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+Coat hanger abortions.
+Man meat.
+Autocannibalism.
+Vigorous jazz hands.
+Flightless birds.
+Pictures of boobs.
+Doing the right thing.
+The violation of our most basic human rights.
+Viagra.
+Self-loathing.
+Spectacular abs.
+A balanced breakfast.
+Roofies.
+Concealing a boner.
+Amputees.
+The Big Bang.
+Former President George W. Bush.
+The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
+Smegma.
+Being marginalized.
+Cuddling.
+Laying an egg.
+The Pope.
+Aaron Burr.
+Genital piercings.
+Fingering.
+A bleached asshole.
+Horse meat.
+Fear itself.
+Science.
+Elderly Japanese men.
+Stranger danger.
+The terrorists.
+Praying the gay away.
+Same-sex ice dancing.
+Ethnic cleansing.
+Cheating in the Special Olympics.
+German dungeon porn.
+Bingeing and purging.
+Making a pouty face.
+William Shatner.
+Heteronormativity.
+Nickelback.
+Tom Cruise.
+The profoundly handicapped.
+The placenta.
+Chainsaws for hands.
+Arnold Schwarzenegger.
+An icepick lobotomy.
+Goblins.
+Object permanence.
+Dying.
+Foreskin.
+A falcon with a cap on its head.
+Hormone injections.
+Dying of dysentery.
+Sexy pillow fights.
+The invisible hand.
+A really cool hat.
+Sean Penn.
+Heartwarming orphans.
+The clitoris.
+The Three-Fifths compromise.
+A sad handjob.
+Men.
+Historically black colleges.
+A micropenis.
+Raptor attacks.
+Agriculture.
+Vikings.
+Pretending to care.
+The Underground Railroad.
+My humps.
+Being a dick to children.
+Geese.
+Bling.
+Sniffing glue.
+The South.
+An Oedipus complex.
+Eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale.
+Sexting.
+YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.
+Mutually-assured destruction.
+Sunshine and rainbows.
+Count Chocula.
+Sharing needles.
+Being rich.
+Skeletor.
+A sausage festival.
+Michael Jackson.
+Emotions.
+Farting and walking away.
+The Chinese gymnastics team.
+Necrophilia.
+Spontaneous human combustion.
+Yeast.
+Leaving an awkward voicemail.
+Dick Cheney.
+White people.
+Penis envy.
+Teaching a robot to love.
+Sperm whales.
+Scrubbing under the folds.
+Panda sex.
+Whipping it out.
+Catapults.
+Masturbation.
+Natural selection.
+Opposable thumbs.
+A sassy black woman.
+AIDS.
+The KKK.
+Figgy pudding.
+Seppuku.
+Gandhi.
+Preteens.
+Toni Morrison's vagina.
+Land mines.
+A sea of troubles.
+A zesty breakfast burrito.
+Christopher Walken.
+Friction.
+Balls.
+Dental dams.
+A can of whoop-ass.
+A tiny horse.
+Waiting 'til marriage.
+Authentic Mexican cuisine.
+Genghis Khan.
+Old-people smell.
+Feeding Rosie O'Donnell.
+Pixelated bukkake.
+Friends with benefits.
+The token minority.
+The Tempur-Pedic Swedish Sleep System.
+A thermonuclear detonation.
+Take-backsies.
+The Rapture.
+A cooler full of organs.
+Sweet, sweet vengeance.
+RoboCop.
+Keanu Reeves.
+Drinking alone.
+Giving 110%.
+Flesh-eating bacteria.
+The American Dream.
+Taking off your shirt.
+Me time.
+A murder most foul.
+The inevitable heat death of the universe.
+The folly of man.
+That thing that electrocutes your abs.
+Cards Against Humanity.
+Fiery poops.
+Poor people.
+Edible underpants.
+Britney Spears at 55.
+All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.
+Pooping back and forth. Forever.
+Fancy Feast.
+Jewish fraternities.
+Being a motherfucking sorcerer.
+Pulling out.
+Picking up girls at the abortion clinic.
+The homosexual agenda.
+The Holy Bible.
+Passive-agression.
+Ronald Reagan.
+Vehicular manslaughter.
+Nipple blades.
+Assless chaps.
+Full frontal nudity.
+Hulk Hogan.
+Daddy issues.
+The hardworking Mexican.
+Natalie Portman.
+Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot.
+God.
+Sean Connery.
+Saxophone solos.
+Gloryholes.
+The World of Warcraft.
+Homeless people.
+Scalping.
+Darth Vader.
+Eating the last known bison.
+Guys who don't call.
+Hot Pockets.
+A time travel paradox.
+The milk man.
+Testicular torsion.
+Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up.
+World peace.
+A salty surprise.
+Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes.
+Smallpox blankets.
+Licking things to claim them as your own.
+The heart of a child.
+Robert Downey, Jr.
+Lockjaw.
+Eugenics.
+A good sniff.
+Friendly fire.
+The taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge.
+Wearing underwear inside-out to avoid doing laundry.
+Hurricane Katrina.
+Free samples.
+Jerking off into a pool of children's tears.
+A foul mouth.
+The glass ceiling.
+Republicans.
+Explosions.
+Michelle Obama's arms.
+Getting really high.
+Attitude.
+Sarah Palin.
+The Übermensch.
+Altar boys.
+My soul.
+My sex life.
+Pedophiles.
+72 virgins.
+Pabst Blue Ribbon.
+Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza.
+A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.
+The Blood of Christ.
+Half-assed foreplay.
+My collection of high-tech sex toys.
+A middle-aged man on roller skates.
+Bitches.
+Bill Nye the Science Guy.
+Italians.
+A windmill full of corpses.
+Adderall.
+Crippling debt.
+A stray pube.
+Prancing.
+Passing a kidney stone.
+A brain tumor.
+Leprosy.
+Puppies!
+Bees?
+Frolicking.
+Repression.
+Road head.
+A bag of magic beans.
+An asymmetric boob job.
+Dead parents.
+Public ridicule.
+A mating display.
+A mime having a stroke.
+Stephen Hawking talking dirty.
+African children.
+Mouth herpes.
+Overcompensation.
+Riding off into the sunset.
+Being on fire.
+Tangled Slinkys.
+Civilian casualties.
+Auschwitz.
+My genitals.
+Not reciprocating oral sex.
+Lactation.
+Being fabulous.
+Shaquille O'Neal's acting career.
+My relationship status.
+Asians who aren't good at math.
+Alcoholism.
+Incest.
+Grave robbing.
+Hope.
+8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin.
+Kids with ass cancer.
+Winking at old people.
+The Jews.
+Justin Bieber.
+Doin' it in the butt.
+A lifetime of sadness.
+The Hamburglar.
+Swooping.
+Classist undertones.
+New Age music.
+Not giving a shit about the Third World.
+The Kool-Aid Man.
+A hot mess.
+Tentacle porn.
+Lumberjack fantasies.
+The gays.
+Scientology.
+Estrogen.
+GoGurt.
+Judge Judy.
+Dick fingers.
+Racism.
+Surprise sex!
+Police brutality.
+Passable transvestites.
+The Virginia Tech Massacre.
+When you fart and a little bit comes out.
+Oompa-Loompas.
+A fetus.
+Obesity.
+Tasteful sideboob.
+Hot people.
+BATMAN!!!
+Black people.
+A gassy antelope.
+Sexual tension.
+Third base.
+Racially-biased SAT questions.
+Porn stars.
+A Super Soaker full of cat pee.
+Muhammed (Praise Be Unto Him).
+Puberty.
+A disappointing birthday party.
+An erection that lasts longer than four hours.
+White privilege.
+Getting so angry that you pop a boner.
+Wifely duties.
+Two midgets shitting into a bucket.
+Queefing.
+Wiping her butt.
+Golden showers.
+Barack Obama.
+Nazis.
+A robust mongoloid.
+An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.
+Getting drunk on mouthwash.
+Lunchables.
+Women in yogurt commercials.
+John Wilkes Booth.
+Powerful thighs.
+Mr. Clean, right behind you.
+Multiple stab wounds.
+Cybernetic enhancements.
+Serfdom.
+Kanye West.
+Women's suffrage.
+Children on leashes.
+Harry Potter erotica.
+The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.
+Lance Armstrong's missing testicle.
+Parting the Red Sea.
+The Amish.
+Dead babies.
+Child beauty pageants.
+AXE Body Spray.
+Centaurs.
+Copping a feel.
+Grandma.
+Famine.
+The Trail of Tears.
+The miracle of childbirth.
+Finger painting.
+A monkey smoking a cigar.
+The Make-A-Wish Foundation.
+Anal beads.
+The Force.
+Kamikaze pilots.
+Dry heaving.
+Active listening.
+Ghosts.
+The Hustle.
+Peeing a little bit.
+Another goddamn vampire movie.
+Shapeshifters.
+The Care Bear Stare.
+Hot cheese.
+A mopey zoo lion.
+A defective condom.
+Teenage pregnancy.
+A Bop It.
+Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor.
+Horrifying laser hair removal accidents.
+Boogers.
+Unfathomable stupidity.
+Breaking out into song and dance.
+Soup that is too hot.
+Morgan Freeman's voice.
+Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon.
+MechaHitler.
+Flying sex snakes.
+The true meaning of Christmas.
+My inner demons.
+Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.
+My vagina.
+A homoerotic volleyball montage.
+Actually taking candy from a baby.
+Crystal meth.
+Exactly what you'd expect.
+Natural male enhancement.
+Passive-aggressive Post-it notes.
+Inappropriate yodeling.
+Lady Gaga.
+The Little Engine That Could.
+Vigilante justice.
+A death ray.
+Poor life choices.
+A gentle caress of the inner thigh.
+Embryonic stem cells.
+Nicolas Cage.
+Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog.
+Switching to Geico.
+The chronic.
+Erectile dysfunction.
+Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine.
+A bucket of fish heads.
+50,000 volts straight to the nipples.
+Being fat and stupid.
+Hospice care.
+A pyramid of severed heads.
+Getting married, having a few kids, buying some stuff, retiring to Florida, and dying.
+A subscription to Men's Fitness.
+Crucifixion.
+A micropig wearing a tiny raincoat and booties.
+Some god-damn peace and quiet.
+Used panties.
+A tribe of warrior women.
+The penny whistle solo from My Heart Will Go On.
+An oversized lollipop.
+Helplessly giggling at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis.
+Not wearing pants.
+Consensual sex.
+Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.
+Funky fresh rhymes.
+The art of seduction.
+The Devil himself.
+Advice from a wise, old black man.
+Destroying the evidence.
+The light of a billion suns.
+Wet dreams.
+Synergistic management solutions.
+Growing a pair.
+Silence.
+An M16 assault rifle.
+Poopy diapers.
+A live studio audience.
+The Great Depression.
+A spastic nerd.
+Rush Limbaugh's soft, shitty body.
+Tickling Sean Hannity, even after he tells you to stop.
+Stalin.
+Brown people.
+Rehab.
+Capturing Newt Gingrich and forcing him to dance in a monkey suit.
+Battlefield amputations.
+An uppercut.
+Shiny objects.
+An ugly face.
+Menstrual rage.
+A bitch slap.
+One trillion dollars.
+Chunks of dead prostitute.
+The entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
+The female orgasm.
+Extremely tight pants.
+The Boy Scouts of America.
+Stormtroopers.
+Throwing a virgin into a volcano.
+Getting in her pants, politely.
+Gladiatorial combat.
+Good grammar.
+Hipsters.
+Gandalf.
+Genetically engineered super-soldiers.
+George Clooney's musk.
+Getting abducted by Peter Pan.
+Eating an albino.
+Enormous Scandinavian women.
+Fabricating statistics.
+Finding a skeleton.
+Suicidal thoughts.
+Dancing with a broom.
+Deflowering the princess.
+Dorito breath.
+One thousand Slim Jims.
+My machete.
+Overpowering your father.
+Ominous background music.
+Media coverage.
+Making the penises kiss.
+Moral ambiguity.
+Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament.
+Mad hacky-sack skills.
+Just the tip.
+Literally eating shit.
+Leveling up.
+Insatiable bloodlust.
+Historical revisionism.
+Jean-Claude Van Damme.
+Jafar.
+The boners of the elderly.
+The economy.
+Statistically validated stereotypes.
+Sudden Poop Explosion Disease.
+Slow motion.
+Space muffins.
+Sexual humiliation.
+Sexy Siamese twins.
+Santa Claus.
+Scrotum tickling.
+Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart.
+Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.
+Quivering jowls.
+Revenge fucking.
+Pistol-whipping a hostage.
+Quiche.
+Zeus's sexual appetites.
+Words, words, words.
+Tripping balls.
+Being a busy adult with many important things to do.
+The four arms of Vishnu.
+The shambling corpse of Larry King.
+The hiccups.
+The harsh light of day.
+The Gulags.
+The Fanta girls.
+A big black dick.
+A beached whale.
+A low standard of living.
+A nuanced critique.
+A bloody pacifier.
+A crappy little hand.
+Shaft.
+Being a dinosaur.
+Beating your wives.
+Neil Patrick Harris.
+Coughing into a vagina.
+Carnies.
+Nubile slave boys.
+Bosnian chicken farmers.
+A web of lies.
+A rival dojo.
+A passionate Latino lover.
+Panty raids.
+Appreciative snapping.
+Apologizing.
+Clams.
+A woman scorned.
+Being awesome at sex.
+Spring break!
+Another shot of morphine.
+Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of Friends.
+A soulful rendition of Ol' Man River.
+Making a friend.
+A sweaty, panting leather daddy.
+Intimacy problems.
+The new Radiohead album.
+Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game.
+A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings.
+An army of skeletons.
+A squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles.
+Beefin' over turf.
+The Google.
+Bullshit.
+A sweet spaceship.
+A 55-gallon drum of lube.
+Special musical guest, Cher.
+The human body.
+Mild autism.
+Nunchuck moves.
+Whipping a disobedient slave.
+An ether-soaked rag.
+Oncoming traffic.
+A dollop of sour cream.
+A slightly shittier parallel universe.
+My first kill.
+Boris the Soviet Love Hammer.
+The grey nutrient broth that sustains Mitt Romney.
+Tiny nipples.
+Power.
+Death by Steven Seagal.
+A Burmese tiger pit.
+Basic human decency.
+Grandpa's ashes.
+One Ring to rule them all.
+The day the birds attacked.
+Fetal alcohol syndrome.
+Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content.
+A bigger, blacker dick.
+The mere concept of Applebee's.
+A sad fat dragon with no friends.
+A piñata full of scorpions.
+Existing.
+Hillary Clinton's death stare.
+Catastrophic urethral trauma.
+Double penetration.
+Daddy's belt.
+Swiftly achieving orgasm.
+Mooing.
+Rising from the grave.
+Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife.
+Some really fucked-up shit.
+Weapons-grade plutonium.
+All of this blood.
+Scrotal frostbite.
+Taking a man's eyes and balls out and putting his eyes where his balls go and then his balls in the eye holes.
+The mixing of the races.
+Pumping out a baby every nine months.
+Tongue.
+Loki, the trickster god.
+Whining like a little bitch.
+Wearing an octopus for a hat.
+An unhinged ferris wheel rolling toward the sea.
+Finding Waldo.
+Upgrading homeless people to mobile hotspots.
+A magic hippie love cloud.
+Fuck Mountain.
+Living in a trashcan.
+The corporations.
+Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group.
+Jeff Goldblum.
+Survivor's guilt.
+Me.
+All my friends dying.
+Shutting the fuck up.
+An ass disaster.
+Some kind of bird-man.
+The entire Internet.
+Going around punching people.
+A boo-boo.
+Indescribable loneliness.
+Having sex on top of a pizza.
+Chugging a lava lamp.
+Warm, velvety muppet sex.
+Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere.
+Nothing.
+Samuel L. Jackson.
+Self-flagellation.
+The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life.
+The Quesadilla Explosion Salad from Chili's.
+Reverse cowgirl.
+Vietnam flashbacks.
+Actually getting shot, for real.
+Not having sex.
+Cock.
+Dying alone and in pain.
+A cop who is also a dog.
+The way white people is.
+Gay aliens.
+The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now.
+A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus.
+A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint.
+Slapping a racist old lady.
+A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie.
+Jumping out at people.
+Three months in the hole.
+Blood farts.
+The Land of Chocolate.
+A botched circumcision.
+My manservant, Claude.
+Vomiting mid-blowjob.
+Letting everyone down.
+Having shotguns for legs.
+Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone.
+Mufasa's death scene.
+The Harlem Globetrotters.
+Demonic possession.
+Fisting.
+The thin veneer of situational causality that underlies porn.
+Girls that always be textin'.
+Blowing some dudes in an alley.
+A spontaneous conga line.
+A vagina that leads to another dimension.
+Disco fever.
+Getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick.
+Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs to get fifty continuous hours of energy.
+Sneezing, farting, and coming at the same time.
+Some douche with an acoustic guitar.
+Spending lots of money.
+Putting an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich into the VCR.
+An unstoppable wave of fire ants.
+A greased-up Matthew McConaughey.
+Flying robots that kill people.
+Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks.
+Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath.
+The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth.
+Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding.
+An all-midget production of Shakespeare's Richard III.
+Screaming like a maniac.
+Not contributing to society in any meaningful way.
+A pile of squirming bodies.
+Buying the right pants to be cool.
+Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.
+That ass.
+A surprising amount of hair.
+Eating Tom Selleck's mustache to gain his powers.
+Velcro.
+A PowerPoint presentation.
+Crazy opium eyes.
+10 Incredible Facts About the Anus.
+An interracial handshake.
+Moderate-to-severe joint pain.
+Finally finishing off the Indians.
+Sugar madness.
+Actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers.
+The secret formula for ultimate female satisfaction.
+The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East.
+Fucking a corpse back to life.
+Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits.
+Calculating every mannerism so as not to suggest homosexuality.
+Whatever a McRib is made of.
+No clothes on, penis in vagina.
+All the single ladies.
+Whispering all sexy.
+How awesome I am.
+Ass to mouth.
+Smoking crack, for instance.
+Falling into the toilet.
+A dance move that's just sex.
+The size of my penis.
+Some sort of Asian.
+A hopeless amount of spiders.
+Party Mexicans.
+Drinking responsibly.
+The safe word.
+Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night.
+Bouncing up and down.
+Jizz.
+Ambiguous sarcasm.
+A shiny rock that proves I love you.
+Dem titties.
+My worthless son.
+Exploding pigeons.
+A Ugandan warlord.
+My sex dungeon.
+A kiss on the lips.
+Child Protective Services.
+A Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world.
+Doo-doo.
+The peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China.
+Sports.
+A fart.
+Unquestioning obedience.
+Three consecutive seconds of happiness.
+Grammar nazis who are also regular Nazis.
+Snorting coke off a clown's boner.
+Africa.
+Depression.
+A horse with no legs.
+The euphoric rush of strangling a drifter.
+Khakis.
+Interspecies marriage.
+A gender identity that can only be conveyed through slam poetry.
+Almost giving money to a homeless person.
+Stuff a child's face with Fun Dip until he starts having fun.
+What Jesus would do.
+A for-real lizard that spits blood from its eyes.
+Blackula.
+The tiniest shred of evidence that God is real.
+My dad's dumb fucking face.
+Prince Ali,fabulous he,Ali Ababwa.
+A manhole.
+A sex goblin with a carnival penis.
+A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans.
+A sex comet from Neptune that plunges the Earth into eternal sexiness.
+Sharks with legs.
+Injecting speed into one arm and horse tranquilizer into the other.
+Lots and lots of abortions.
+Seeing things from Hitler's perspective
+Too much cocaine.
+Doing the right stuff to her nipples.
+Giant sperm from outer space.
+Oil!
+Ennui.
+A powered exoskeleton.
+A disappointing salad.
+Mom's new boyfriend.
+Unrelenting genital punishment.
+Denzel.
+The swim team, all at once.
+The eight gay warlocks who dictate the rules of fashion.
+Being nine years old.
+The unbelievable world of mushrooms.
+The Abercrombie & Fitch lifestyle.
+Vegetarian options.
+My first period.
+Having been dead for a while.
+Backwards knees.
+Being paralyzed from the neck down.
+Seeing my village burned and my family slaughtered before my eyes.
+A zero-risk way to make $2,000 from home.
+A crazy little thing called love.
+Ancient Athenian boy-fucking
+Out-of-this-world bazongas.
+The ghost of Marlon Brando.
+The basic suffering that pervades all of existence.
+Being worshipped as the one true God.
+Figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin.
+All these decorative pillows.
+A mouthful of potato salad.
+Russian super-tuberculosis.
+A reason not to commit suicide.
+Going to a high school reunion on ketamine.
+The passage of time.
+Child support payments.
+Changing a person's mind with logic and facts.
+My boyfriend's stupid penis.
+The tiger that killed my father.
+Genghis Khan's DNA.
+Boring vaginal sex.
+40 acres and a mule.
+A whole new kind of porn.
+Slowly easing down onto a cucumber.
+Wearing glasses and sounding smart.
+AIDS monkeys.
+A team of lawyers.
+Getting drive-by shot.
+Not believing in giraffes.
+Anal fissures like you wouldn't believe.
+A giant powdery manbaby.
+Cutting off a flamingo's legs with garden shears.
+P.F. Chang himself.
+An uninterrupted history of imperialism and exploitation.
+A one-way ticket to Gary, Indiana.
+Daddy's credit card.
+September 11th, 2001.
+An unforgettable quinceañera.
+Deez nuts.
+Social justice warriors with flamethrowers of compassion.
+Some shit-hot guitar licks.
+Butt stuff.
+Blackface.
+Blowjobs for everyone.
+Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri.
+Western standards of beauty.
+Ejaculating live bees and the bees are angry.
+My dead son's baseball glove.
+Getting caught by the police and going to jail.
+A face full of horse cum.
+Free ice cream, yo.
+The white half of Barack Obama.
+The black half of Barack Obama.
+An inability to form meaningful relationships.
+A bass drop so huge it tears the starry vault asunder to reveal the face of God.
+Growing up chained to a radiator in perpetual darkness.
+Shitting all over the floor like a bad, bad girl.
+A buttload of candy.
+Sucking all the milk out of a yak.
+Bullets.
+A man who is so cool that he rides on a motorcycle.
+Sudden penis loss.
+Getting all offended.
+Crying and shitting and eating spaghetti.
+One unforgettable night of passion.
+Being popular and good at sports.
+Filling a man's anus with concrete.
+Two whales fucking the shit out of eachother.
+Cool, relateable cancer teens.
+The amount of gay I am.
+A possible Muslim.
+Unsheathing my massive horse cock.
+A bowl of gourds.
+The male gaze.
+The power of the Dark Side.
+Ripping a dog in half.
+A constant need for validation.
+Meaningless sex.
+Such a big boy.
+Throwing stones at a man until he dies.
+Cancer.
+Like a million alligators.
+Eating together like a god damn family for once.
+Cute boys.
+Pussy.
+Being a terrible mother.
+Never having sex again.
+A pizza guy who fucked up.
+A whole lotta woman.
+The all-new Nissan Pathfinder with 0.9% APR financing!
+A peyote-fueled vision quest.
+Kale.
+Breastfeeding a ten year old.
+Crippling social anxiety.
+Immortality cream.
+Texas.
+Teaching a girl how to handjob the penis.
+A turd.
+Shapes and colors.
+Whatever you wish, mother.
+The haunting stare of an Iraqi child.
+Robots who just want to party.
+A self-microwaving burrito.
+Forgetting grandma's first name.
+Our new Buffalo Chicken Dippers!
+Treasures beyond your wildest dreams.
+Getting shot out of a cannon.
+The sweet song of sword against and the braying of mighty war beasts.
+Walking into a glass door.
+The color puce.
+Every ounce of charisma left in Mick Jagger's tired body.
+The eighth graders.
+Setting my balls on fire and cartwheeling to Ohio.
+The dentist.
+Gwyneth Paltrow's opinions.
+Turning the rivers red with the blood of infidels.
+Rabies.
+Important news about Taylor Swift.
+Ejaculating inside another man's wife.
+Owls, the perfect predator.
+Being John Malkovich.
+Bathing in moonsblood and dancing around the ancient oak.
+An oppressed people with a vibrant culture.
+An overwhelming variety of cheeses.
+Reading the entire End-User License Agreement.
+Morpheus.
+Peeing into a girl's butt to make a baby.
+Generally having no idea of what's going on.
+No longer finding any Cards Against Humanity card funny.